Techniques on How to Get Laid

Emily Ullrich

Emily Ullrich is a writer, filmmaker, occasional stand-up comedian, and... read more

sex-and-mindGuys, if you follow these rules, it is guaranteed that you will be grinning with success very soon.  Let us start with the “Don’ts.” First, if your girl is American, don’t say the words, “I’m horny.” Americans hate that word. They generally hate that you expect them to do something about it. Instead, say something that let the girl know your desire for sex is directly about her.  She most likely already know that you are thinking another girl you saw at the grocery or the porn you watched earlier or the neighbors’ nanny! But your girl likes to think that she is the sole creator or your sexual desire. So, say something like, “I have been thinking about your sexy (you fill in the blank) all day,” or even simpler, whisper in her ear, as you caress her back, “I want you so bad.”

tl;dr - click to read summary
 Guys, if you want to get laid, follow these three techniques: 1. Do not say “I’m horny” but rather say, “I’ve been thinking about your sexy (you fill in the blank) all day”.  2. Kiss passionately.  3. Have a really good foreplay by giving your girl a lot of compliments.  Follow these techniques are you are surely to get laid. 

It Is All About Kissing

Start with kissing. Women like kissing. Make sure your breath is fresh, and kiss her, take her off guard, kiss her passionately, and when you think it’s time to move on to the next “base”  – don’t just yet. Keep kissing. After a few minutes, take the lead. Women are hot for a guy who will “force” them to do something they already want to do, but are too shy to do without direction. This means leading her into the bedroom (or whatever saucy location you have planned), while still kissing her. As a side note: this doesn’t mean your girl doesn’t like to be in charge.  She sometimes wants to be in-charge.  But at a scenario where you are taking the lead, show her that you are trying to seduce her and do this wholeheartedly and with conviction.

Kiss her neck, kiss her thighs, kiss every and any part of her that is not breasts or crotch. Women go wild for the tease. Take your time, and make her want it. She will eventually discover the treasure in your pants you’ve so sweetly withheld!

kissing This last one is the most important one, but it’s one you’ve all heard before, and tend to ignore. Foreplay starts the second a woman wakes up. As Chris Rock says, “Women could live on food, water, and compliments!” It’s true. Do you want your girl to want you? Make it known that you care for her, and you are truly physically attracted to her by expressing it in words and in action. You know how you hate it when your girl expects you to “just know” something. She also hates it when you expect her to “just know” how you feel. If you start putting in your time in the early stages of the day, you will get your way when it comes to sex.

Now you have the combination. Use it. Just like a real vault, using only one of the numbers will not get you in. You must use all of the numbers in the proper order and then the “vault” will be at your mercy.

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