Sexual dissatisfaction can increase the risk of breaking up or getting a divorce, according to the Kinsey Institute. But it doesn’t have to be that way. While there’s no universal formula to a successful relationship, knowing how to improve your sex life is one way to strengthen trust and intimacy.
How to Improve Your Sex Life
Without getting too R-rated, here are some tried and true methods of improving your sex life, regardless of your sexual orientation.
If you’re not satisfied with your sex life, you may feel shy talking about it with your partner. But you can’t expect them to know what you want if you don’t tell them. Whether you want to have more sex in general, need a little more foreplay, or just want to try different positions, the best way to bring it up with your partner is by using the first-person.
Instead of saying: “You need to have more sex with me,” try something like: “I would like to have more sex.” This way, it doesn’t feel like the responsibility is being focused on the other person. You’re communicating your needs rather than their faults.
Try Something New
The more comfortable you are with your body, the easier it is to connect with someone else’s. You might take up a fresh experience together, like yoga or dancing, to channel your bodies’ energy. Erotic messages are another way to get to know each other’s bodies better.
Another way of sexual exploration is by watching couple-friendly erotica and masturbating together. This way, you become familiar with each other’s pleasure points without the awkward conversation.
Sex toys and varying sex positions might expose you to something you never thought you’d enjoy. Plus, if you belong to the 30 percent of women who experience pain during sexual intercourse, CBD lube might help improve the sensation for you.
Make It a Priority
You don’t have to mark it on your calendar to make sex a regular part of your life. In fact, it shouldn’t feel like a routine; spontaneity is half the fun. But, do set a goal — together — about how you can work sex into your schedule. Maybe suggest going to bed together at least once a week.
If your muscles are tense, or if you’re not in the right headspace, sex will almost always feel unenjoyable. If you notice something like this in your partner, try to eliminate some of their stressors.
Simply cooking dinner, running an errand, or just helping out around the house will give your partner less to worry about and more time to fantasize about intimacy.
Many factors can affect your sexual performance, including medications or even PTSD. If you or your partner feel like you have a low sex drive, it can’t hurt to talk to a doctor about it. Couples therapy is another way to facilitate conversations surrounding your physical relationship.
Sex is nothing like it’s portrayed in the media. It can be messy, it can be awkward, and it might even take a couple of tries to get it right. The key to enjoying it is by not getting caught up in your ideas of what intimacy is supposed to look and feel like.
Don’t Forget Consent
Remember that in any relationship, it takes two. You won’t know how to improve your sex life if you and your partner don’t set boundaries.
It can even be sexy to ask for consent; see if your partner likes what you’re doing, or even ask them what they’d like you to do. If the answer is no, don’t keep pushing. Moreover, if your partner seems unsure or doesn’t respond altogether, take it as a no and don’t continue.
And if you think your sex life is being inhibited by another medical condition, be sure to check out our health blog for other ways to improve your wellbeing.